The Worst

10 Old Smuggler's
Actually, the bottle should be warning enough - The guy that designed the bottle must've had a few glasses before he went to work. I wonder why anybody would want to smuggle this one anywhere.

9 Red Tartan Whisky
This is pure acid! The stuff seemed to slowly dissolve my tongue. I rarely suffer from a hangover, but only three glasses of this stuff managed to spoil an entire morning in my life.

8 MacArthur Whisky
After the first few glasses I diluted the rest with half a bottle of Amaretto Liqueur to make it somewhat drinkable. It wasn't much help, though.

7 Mansion House
This is a whisky I'll never forget - And not only for the mind-boggling stupidity of it's name. This blend is the only whisky that was (partly) responsible for the one and only time in my life when I have been literally sick after subjecting myself to a large variety of drinks. On my birthday nonetheless. (Don't paint yourself a mental picture here, It ain't a pretty sight...)

6 Gold Label Old Whisky
This is "a whisky for special occasions", according to the label. Like when your having guests and you want to get rid of them as soon as possible, perhaps?

5 Loch Dhu 10 years old
Absolutely and by far the worst single malt (!) whisky I've ever tasted. Most blended whiskies are better. Aqua Crematoria. A friend described it as "Piss of the Devil" and I can sympathize with his assessment.

4 King Robert II Scotch
According to the label it was "a whisky of top quality which is renowned throughout the world".
I've discovered that at least one of these claims is definitely false - and I have doubts about the other.

3 The Claymore
The label goes on and on about the huge Scottish swords; not a word is wasted on the liquid contained inside the bottle. The whisky, like it's namesake, isn't very subtle - to put it mildly. Just a few drops of this stuff can ruin a perfectly good glass of Coke.

2 Big Blend
Quite frankly, I'm not sure why they call it "Big".
The words I would personally use to describe it would be "Filthy Blend", but I guess that wouldn't look to good on the label.

1 Distilled Old Maltky
I don't think this is available outside Holland - Which is a good thing, really. Technically speaking, it isn't even whisky at 35%. Very cheap, though... About the only way to get completely pissed for less than Eur/$ 5.-, I would imagine. Still not worth it, though.

Warning: These whiskies should be avoided at all costs. Sick women, children and elderly
people should not be exposed to these liquids. These liquids may exhale hazardous fumes.
They should be consumed for research-purposes only. Liquids may be flammable. Make sure
medical assistance is standing by when you subject parts of your body to these liquids.

The 10 Worst Whiskies in the World
(according to Johannes)

But enough with the chitchat. Just make sure to stay clear of...

First of all, I've had a chance to explore the murky depths at the bottom of the blended whisky market; not a thing one would ordinarily choose to do.
On top of that I've become a dab hand at mixing cocktails, after years and years of combining inferior drinks in the hope the result would be better than the sum of its parts. It often wasn't...

D uring those years of hardship I have discovered that, contrary to popular belief, it is technically impossible to legally purchase a bottle of good whisky for less than 10 Euro's / Dollars. And Heaven knows I've tried.

Back in my student-days, I had neither the sense nor the dough to get drunk in style. Although I had experienced the occasional glass of Glenfiddich and Glenlivet, my alcohol consumption consisted mainly of blended whiskies and Malibu.

For New Year's Eve and other special occasions I splashed out on the incidental Cognac or Armagnac, but at the end of the month, when my scholarship-payments were due, I had to make some hard decisions. When I visited my liquorist my choice was governed more by the weight of my wallet than by deliberations of taste.

And that concludes my ranting about exceptionally bad blends, for now.
Click here if you're in the mood for more of my private whisky warnings.
I've had quite a few reactions to this personal hate list; so much in fact, that I've put up a separate "Public Warnings" page in the "Web" section.
It has grown into quite a bulky list with warnings from concerned citizens.,

Quite Frankly, it's amazing I'm able to taste anything these days, considering the toxic waste I threw down my throat in those days. There were some positive sides to it, though.

The infamous
MacArthur's
blend. Truly
one of the
worst whiskies
in the world

When any of these whiskies is offered to you in a bar or by your liquorist you can sue the proprietor of the establishment for crimes against humanity.

Just a picture of your average Scottish distillery a few years back.
I'm not sure what the dog's function at the distillery was, but it makes you wonder about the true nature of the ingredients of some whiskies, eh?

Fortunately; whiskies like Red Tartan and King Robert II are mostly "oddities", and may be a bit hard to find at your local liquorist. (And why would you even want to try?)

But there are also a lot of more famous blenders and distillers out there that seem to conspire against whisky-lovers worldwide by filling the shelves of our liquorists with inferior material.

I guess there must be some hidden sadomasochistic tendencies in my character, because even nowadays I derive a sick pleasure from buying a "bottom shelf" whisky every once in a while.

Whether the long term effects are positive or negative is still in debate, but I have to admit that the short term effects of a few whiskies - even bad ones - can be quite pleasing.

Take the Johnnie Walker Red Label, for instance. It is sold in huge quantities, but in my humble opinion this stuff sucks big time! The Black Label is very good, though.

As the pictures on my personal page prove, many years of drinking whisky can have a profound effect on a person.

But perhaps you feel you've had quite enough talk about liquid encounters of the disappointing kind. Fortunately, most of this site is dedicated to single malts - and I'll take a bad single malt over a good blend any time.
Well... with some notable exceptions like the Druimguish 3 malt (darned awful) or Chivas 100 Century of malts (darned good).
Why don't you CLICK ON, for a laundry list of all the single malts in my little black book, ranked by the value they offer for your money.

More Private Warnings

Public Whisky Warnings

Per Ardua Ad Nauseam